Domestic/Relationship Violence: Drinking Alcohol Only Amplifies Your Problems

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Drinking Alcohol Only Amplifies Your Problems

I hadn't thought too much about that aspect of my life at that time until I just wrote it down... Drinking alcohol only amplifies your problems...

I was doing very well at my new job. I didn't call in sick when I wasn't, I was at work every single day, and I was making friends. Do you know how good that felt to know I was finally able to be respectable?

I was still hiding the fact that every now and again, I would get beat up by my boyfriend I lived with. Yes, he was the one who wouldn't work. Occasionally, his mom let him go with her to her cleaning appointments, and he would make a little bit of money. That was when we hardly had any food, and I think she felt sorry for us. (As I mentioned before, I really loved her a lot.)

I walked a mile to the grocery store and carried back many bags by myself when we needed groceries. Sometimes, I bought too much and didn't know how I would get home, so I called his mom. She lived nearby and was gracious enough to help me when I needed it.

My sister, who was a senior in high school, was engaged. She was getting married in June, exactly one month after graduation. I was her Maid of Honor. I know that must have been hard for her because of what my life was like at that time, but I was so glad she asked me to do it.

In the meantime, I asked Don about us getting married. We were still engaged, after all. And I had purchased my own rings (of course). He kept putting me off, and looking back, I wish I would have just said "Adios," but no....

We had a neighbor across the yard from us, and she was a nut case. Seriously. And she let Don use her phone to call his "friends." Of course, I didn't know this. However, at least three times a week, I stopped at the liquor store on the corner on the way home and picked up some Bacardi mixers and rum. When I got home, I would make strawberry dacquiri's and drink until I couldn't anymore. And I went to sleep.

I spent many weeks doing this until I got smart. What in the world am I doing???

I was trying to drown my sorrows. I had a lot of them. I had regrets, too. But drinking never made anything better.

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Did You Know That....

(I have found out this information from a variety of sources)

Three to four million women are beaten each year in the United States and is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44.

Approximately 5% of victims of spousal abuse are men.

You should have a safety plan if you are in an abusive relationship. This is different for each person, but it's your plan on how you are going to protect yourself, your kids, etc. You can use this website: http://www.aardvarc.com/. They also have some great information.

Use the google search for "Power and Control Wheel." There are many things that abusive people use to exercise power and control over others. These include: using coercion and threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, minimizing, denying and blaming others, using children, male priviledge, economic abuse." They are so well explained in the wheel. There is also an "Equality Wheel." This explains what good and healthy relationships should be. These include negotiation and fairness, responsible parenting, economic partnership, non-threatening behavior, trust and support, respect, honesty and accountability, shared responsibility.

The cycle of abuse usually happens in three stages. In the tension building stage, it's really about a lack of self-control. Minor things might happen, such as verbal abuse. The next stage is a serious incident where the abuser becomes overwhelmed with rage and again, loses control. The last stage is the honeymoon stage, where he says he'll change, he's sorry, he'll never do it again. There are many things that take place for each person in each stage of abuse.

There are four psychological stages of Battered Women Syndrome. Denial, guilt, enlightenment, and responsibility for her life.

Again, if you are going through any abuse, please contact your local shelter or the national domestic violence hotline.

More from Me...

Have you ever heard of Tracey Thurman? Her true story of Domestic Violence was horrific, and it was made into a movie. It's called "A Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story." Nancy McKeon is in it, and I've only seen bits and pieces of it. It is powerful and sets you a little on edge. (1989)

Of course, I'm sure you've heard of "Sleeping With the Enemy" with Julia Roberts. Even though it isn't based on a real story (that I know of), it's powerful and emotional, too. (1991)

I don't know if it's true, but have you heard of "Rule of Thumb?" It meant that a wife was subject to her husband, and he could beat her if the object was no longer than his thumb. I've heard it's true, and I've heard it's a myth...

Sisterhood

If you have found my blog, you are either interested in Domestic Violence prevention, have been through an abusive relationship, are going through an abusive relationship, or know someone who is going through one and needs some help.

All of the details of our journeys are different, but the basic outline is the same... you meet someone, he seems great, he begins possessing you, he cuts you off from friends and family, he blames you when abuse occurs, he claims that he loves you and wants you to forgive him when it happens, he swears it will never happen again, things are okay for a while, and then the cycle starts over again.

Where do you go? Who do you trust? What can you do?

There are so many places out there for women to go, but not all of them will be beneficial to you and your situation. However, after working at a shelter, I do know there are people out there who are very concerned for the well-being of abused women and children. If you or someone you know needs help, please call your local domestic violence hotline. They will be able to point you in the right direction.

For all of us who bear the scars of relationship violence, we are a Sisterhood, and we will survive.