Domestic/Relationship Violence: February 2013

Monday, February 18, 2013

Changing Your Thought Process

It's been almost 2 years since I wrote on this blog. Intensely personal, it was painful at times reliving the memories of the past. But one thing is true... If I would not have changed my thought process, I might have ended up dead.

Yes, I'll admit that it took a very long time to recover from the emotional wounds that he inflicted on my life. The dreams are few and far between now, and I'm grateful. I relinquished my power to him for too long, and it resulted in giving me a broken heart, along a physical ailment that flares up when it's cold outside.

HOWEVER...

To say I'm grateful I had enough courage and strength to get out of that relationship doesn't even begin to describe how I feel today.

Did You Know That....

(I have found out this information from a variety of sources)

Three to four million women are beaten each year in the United States and is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44.

Approximately 5% of victims of spousal abuse are men.

You should have a safety plan if you are in an abusive relationship. This is different for each person, but it's your plan on how you are going to protect yourself, your kids, etc. You can use this website: http://www.aardvarc.com/. They also have some great information.

Use the google search for "Power and Control Wheel." There are many things that abusive people use to exercise power and control over others. These include: using coercion and threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, minimizing, denying and blaming others, using children, male priviledge, economic abuse." They are so well explained in the wheel. There is also an "Equality Wheel." This explains what good and healthy relationships should be. These include negotiation and fairness, responsible parenting, economic partnership, non-threatening behavior, trust and support, respect, honesty and accountability, shared responsibility.

The cycle of abuse usually happens in three stages. In the tension building stage, it's really about a lack of self-control. Minor things might happen, such as verbal abuse. The next stage is a serious incident where the abuser becomes overwhelmed with rage and again, loses control. The last stage is the honeymoon stage, where he says he'll change, he's sorry, he'll never do it again. There are many things that take place for each person in each stage of abuse.

There are four psychological stages of Battered Women Syndrome. Denial, guilt, enlightenment, and responsibility for her life.

Again, if you are going through any abuse, please contact your local shelter or the national domestic violence hotline.

More from Me...

Have you ever heard of Tracey Thurman? Her true story of Domestic Violence was horrific, and it was made into a movie. It's called "A Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story." Nancy McKeon is in it, and I've only seen bits and pieces of it. It is powerful and sets you a little on edge. (1989)

Of course, I'm sure you've heard of "Sleeping With the Enemy" with Julia Roberts. Even though it isn't based on a real story (that I know of), it's powerful and emotional, too. (1991)

I don't know if it's true, but have you heard of "Rule of Thumb?" It meant that a wife was subject to her husband, and he could beat her if the object was no longer than his thumb. I've heard it's true, and I've heard it's a myth...

Sisterhood

If you have found my blog, you are either interested in Domestic Violence prevention, have been through an abusive relationship, are going through an abusive relationship, or know someone who is going through one and needs some help.

All of the details of our journeys are different, but the basic outline is the same... you meet someone, he seems great, he begins possessing you, he cuts you off from friends and family, he blames you when abuse occurs, he claims that he loves you and wants you to forgive him when it happens, he swears it will never happen again, things are okay for a while, and then the cycle starts over again.

Where do you go? Who do you trust? What can you do?

There are so many places out there for women to go, but not all of them will be beneficial to you and your situation. However, after working at a shelter, I do know there are people out there who are very concerned for the well-being of abused women and children. If you or someone you know needs help, please call your local domestic violence hotline. They will be able to point you in the right direction.

For all of us who bear the scars of relationship violence, we are a Sisterhood, and we will survive.